I Want Raw Conversations

Last night I found myself reflecting on how adults rely on alcohol to “loosen up and have a good time.” I remember when you didn’t need alcohol to have an honest, open, raw conversation with friends.

This thought brings me back to freshman year with my sorority sisters. We were sitting in a coffee shop late at night high on caffeine and each otherv.

We were all having this intense conversation about love, light, the universe and learning about each other with no boundaries. One of the Zetas asked, “Would you rather take a bath with a female or a male.”

I remember the rush and vulnerability of answering honestly. No alcohol to “blame” it on if they didn’t like my answer.

“Well I’m straight, but I’d rather not have a penis poking my bum while trying to enjoy a bath.” I was so worried that they would think I was weird for wanting to take a bath with a girl over a boy I felt the need to clarify that I was “straight.” Surprisingly, my answer was echoed by two other Zetas who would soon turn out to be my first girlfriends and my first poly relationship. When I realized that I wasn’t the only one with this answer I quickly let my guard down and found myself looking at these two girls a little differently.

“Yeah, maybe I am bi-curious.”

The two girls who echoed my answer quickly became my best friends. All three of us would hang out on the couch, watching movies, laughing, and joking about us all being “girlfriends.” All of this was so new; college, a sorority, actually crushing on girls, and all of this happened without the influence of alcohol.

My life changed that semester. A simple conversation changed my life forever. Two women changed my life forever. The best part was I didn’t have to question their feelings during the whole experience because alcohol wasn’t a part of our trio. Sure we got wasted together, it was college after all, but the majority of our relationship together was sober.

I am telling this story for two reasons.

1. In attempt to make myself vulnerable and share more about me

2. To show how life’s vulnerable moments are so much better without alcohol

I wish life was more like it was. I wish we didn’t depend on alcohol to open up around our friends.

I want to know you for you

I want there to be no filters

I want to have raw conversation with you

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good drunk night with my friends, but there is just something so exceptional about unfiltered conversation.

My life would have turned out so differently if it wasn’t for that conversation. Imagine if we were all drinking that night. None of us would feel comfortable talking about it the next day. Instead of waking up with butterflies knowing that these two girls meant exactly what they said, we would have woken up shy and embarrassed wondering if anyone would bring it up.

Those girls would have just stayed my sorority sisters. Maybe best friends, but would have never become my girlfriends. Who knows how much longer it would have been until I was comfortable exploring my sexuality. I know that my sorority defiantly was not very open minded about lesbians… maybe I would have become narrow minded?  I doubt it. Who knows, maybe I would have met a boy who took my life on a different path. Maybe I would have moved to NYC with my best friend? Maybe I would have stayed in college. Where in the world would I be right now?

Thought spiral

eeesh

The End

Alcohol is Good but we need to rely on it less. Lets have fun playing twister or spin the bottle or cards against humanity without the numbing filters.

 

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